


The Colour Of Your Eyes

by syriala



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, discussion about Laura's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala
Summary: Derek didn’t know if it was right what he was about to do, but he needed to know. He needed to know what changed his uncles’ eyes from a warm gold to the cold blue it was now.





	The Colour Of Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I like to believe that what Theo said about blue eyes was true, and that they only turn blue if you feel guilty over whoever you killed.

Derek didn’t know if it was right what he was about to do, but he needed to know. He needed to know what changed his uncles’ eyes from a warm gold to the cold blue it was now.

Derek could still remember that even in all the years Peter worked as Talia’s left hand, his eyes had never changed, and they had still been golden right before the fire. It had sparked some ugly rumors in the pack, the never changing colour of Peter’s eyes. Derek had heard them whisper that Peter wasn’t able to feel anything, was a psychopath whose eyes wouldn’t even change if he killed someone of their family and it had ostracized Peter, had pushed him to the fringes of the pack.

Derek had heard all the rumors, but he had never believed them. Peter was a good uncle, always there for Derek and Cora and Derek knew that Peter loved them with all his heart. Personally, Derek thought that Peter’s eyes never changed colour because he was protecting the pack and Peter would never feel guilty about protecting those he loved.

But something must have made him feel guilty about killing after the fire, because Peter’s eyes were blue now, and Derek couldn’t help but wonder. He knew that Peter didn’t feel guilty over killing anyone who was involved in the fire that killed their whole family and Derek only knew about one other person Peter had killed.

Laura.

Derek liked to believe that Peter felt guilty over killing her, felt guilty about killing one of the few remaining people of their family, of their pack, but he wasn’t sure that was the real reason. Peter never expressed any guilt over that and didn’t flinch away from the topic when Derek started to talk about Laura and their years in New York. And even though sometimes Derek could smell sadness and regret on him, Derek wasn’t sure it was directly tied to Laura’s death.

It made Derek doubt his belief. Which was why he was about to ask Peter.

It wasn’t done, usually, because it was a delicate, personal topic, and Derek damn well knew how much he hated being asked about this himself, but he needed to know. Needed to know what Peter regretted so much.

And with that thought in mind he knocked on Peter’s door. He could have used the key he had, but he didn’t want to corner Peter any more than he was about to do.

“What can I do for you?” Peter asked him once he opened the door and greeted Derek with a kiss but his confusion about this was obvious.

“I have to ask you something,” Derek started, and Peter raised his eyebrow when he realized how nervous Derek was.

“Am I going to like that question?” Peter asked, and Derek briefly had to smile at that, before he shook his head.

“Alright, spit it out,” Peter said with a sigh as he sat down on the couch, but Derek was too wound up to sit, so he paced in front of it.

“First, I want you to know that I’m sorry about this, but I have to know,” Derek began, and Peter only frowned at him.

“If you’re going to add that you still love me no matter what, I’m going to be really nervous about this,” Peter tried to joke but it was clear that he was already dreading the question.

It was understandable, since they both weren’t good at talking about the important things, like feelings and their relationship, more content to just accept it for what it was, but Derek needed to know.

“Just get it out Derek,” Peter said when Derek just continued to pace, and Derek finally took one more deep breath before he asked the question.

“Why are your eyes blue now? Who do you feel guilty over for killing?”

Peter blinked at him a few times, totally frozen on the couch and then he looked away.

“I should have expected this,” he muttered and then louder said “What? Your world-view got shifted? The psychopathic uncle finally shows some feeling and it makes you uncomfortable?”

Peter’s voice was hard, cutting, but Derek could see the vulnerability behind it, could see that Peter was pained by the question and the thought that Derek had believed the rumors all those years.

“I never thought that, not once,” Derek whispered and sat down on the table in front of Peter.

“Right,” Peter scoffed, and he was still not meeting Derek’s eyes. “Because of course Talia never said something like that.”

“Oh no, she said it all the time. Almost all of the grown-ups did,” Derek gave back. “But I never believed it. Peter, you protected the pack, your family, me. I know you loved us all too much to ever feel guilty about keeping us safe.”

That finally brought Peter’s eyes to his, and they were wide in surprise.

“I didn’t think someone understood,” he mumbled, and Derek took his hands.

“I always understood you better than you thought,” Derek gave back, and it was true, too.

He had been able to read Peter’s mood like no one else had, and he also had been the only one to get Peter out of one of his funks after a job or whenever the rumors became especially vicious. He was still the only one to understand Peter.

“So why do you have to ask about this then?” Peter asked and his eyes flashed blue.

Derek had to admit that he didn’t miss the gold as much as he maybe should.

“Because I don’t know what caused this,” Derek gave back, and Peter frowned.

“I killed Laura. That’s plenty to feel guilty about, don’t you think.”

Derek wanted to say yes, wanted to take this at face value, but he couldn’t. Something with this wasn’t right.

“Tell me the real reason,” Derek prompted, and Peter looked away again, at his hands that Derek still hadn’t let go of.

“No,” Peter said and tried to take his hands back, but Derek wouldn’t let him.

“Then tell my why you killed her,” he demanded. “It wasn’t just for the power, right?” Derek wanted to know, wanted to understand something that had stood between them all this time, and Peter slumped against the couch.

“You sure you want to hear this?” Peter asked him, and he only started to talk when Derek nodded.

“She left me behind,” Peter said. “She was the alpha and she left an injured, helpless pack member behind. You think it would have taken six years for me to heal if my pack was around? It could have been done in a fraction of that time, if my alpha actually cared for me. I was hurt, and had just lost most of the pack, just like you did, and then she cut me off from the rest. You two had each other, and I only had the knowledge that my alpha rejected me and left me behind to die.”

“And when you saw her in the woods you snapped?” Derek asked, voice level, because he wasn’t really surprised by this.

“I was running on instinct. It wasn’t the full moon, but it was close to it and my wolf was getting stronger whereas my human mind was still struggling to stay awake most of the time. When I saw her in the woods, all my wolf could see was the alpha who had proven to be a bad leader, a bad packmate, leaving us behind and in unnecessary pain. I only realized what had happened once the alpha power coursed through me.”

“But you don’t regret it. Her death was justified in your eyes,” Derek stated, without judgment or surprise, because he knew that what Laura had done was wrong.

He had begged her to not leave Peter behind, or at least bring him with them, but Laura had shut him down whenever Derek approached that topic until he had stopped for fear of being abandoned too. It wasn’t the way a pack was supposed to work.

So he could understand what Peter had done.

“Yes,” Peter gave back.

“Then where do the blue eyes come from?” Derek asked again. “Did you kill someone else? Someone I don’t know about?”

“No, Derek,” Peter sighed and straightened up on the couch. “It’s because of you.”

“What?” Derek said, totally taken aback by that answer. “How can you feel guilty over me?”

“Not over you. I feel guilty about Laura’s death because of what it did to you,” Peter explained and then abruptly got up and put some distance between them. “I killed your sister, took her from you, and I feel horrible about that, about all the pain I put you through. So yes, my blue eyes come from killing her, but not _because_ of her.”

Peter was standing with his back to Derek, and he seemed to expect Derek to walk out on him. When Derek stood up, Peter flinched but instead of walking away from Peter and from what they had, Derek walked towards him until he could hug him from behind.

He wrapped his arms around Peter and pressed his face into the back of Peter’s neck.

“It was horrible finding her in the woods like that,” Derek whispered against Peter’s skin and Peter shivered.

“I know that,” he pressed out, voice almost breaking but Derek squeezed him reassuringly.

“And I blamed you for it, in the beginning,” Derek said, thinking back to all the rage and pain he felt when he realized that it had been Peter who killed her.

Peter tried to move away from Derek, but Derek wouldn’t let go of him. Not before he was done talking.

“But I also understand.”

That caused Peter to freeze in his arms.

“I don’t get it,” Peter quietly admitted after a few seconds and Derek sighed.

“The first year, I asked her about getting you, transferring you to a hospital in New York, but she would always shut me down. After that year, I avoided any kind of topic that could cause strain between us. I was afraid she would leave me behind too,” Derek admitted, and Peter turned around in his arms.

“I didn’t know that,” he said, and Derek shrugged.

“I never said. But I know she wasn’t a good alpha. I knew it then, too, but she was also my sister, you know.”

“Yeah,” Peter said but before he could say anything else Derek continued.

“And I hate that she’s dead, that she’s another family member I lost, but I don’t really blame you anymore. I know why you did it, and even before, when I didn’t, I just hoped that you at least had good reasons, because I don’t want to hate you for this.”

“I never wanted you to hate me for this, either,” Peter gave back and wrapped his arms around Derek, moving closer so that he could hide his face in Derek’s neck. “I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

“I know,” Derek said and pressed a kiss to Peter’s hair. “Thank you for telling me,” he whispered and lifted Peter’s head to press a kiss to his lips too.

“I would have told you sooner, but I was afraid,” Peter admitted. “I was afraid you wouldn’t understand, that you would walk out on me, on us once it was out in the open.”

“I’ve loved you too long to do that,” Derek said and was rewarded with one of Peter’s rare smiles.

“Good to know,” he gave back, a little bit cheeky and Derek was glad to see him find his footing again.

“Now that the heavy emotional stuff is out of the way, and my curiosity is sated, how about I take you out for dinner?” Derek asked, wishing to end this day on a good note at least.

“I think I can be persuaded,” Peter gave back and kissed the corner of Derek’s mouth before he pulled away. This time Derek let him.

He knew that Laura would always stand between them, it was unavoidable with Peter’s eyes being blue, but Derek now also knew that it wasn’t enough to cause a rift between them. They were stronger than that.


End file.
